oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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