I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
