i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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