I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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