Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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