How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
