Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
