hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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