I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
