I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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