There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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