Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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