i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
