sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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