i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
