so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
