i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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