You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
