It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
its not stalking. its research.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
