oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
