"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Congratulations! We have a period
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