True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize