Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
