Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
