sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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