We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
