She said her name was "party"
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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