Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
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