i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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