Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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