tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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