The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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