Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
