At least make sure they are 18
Why
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize