i think my tv is drunk
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
