Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
