Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So much rum. So many feels.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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