Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
