It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize