Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
