You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
