Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
tell your sister to shave her snatch
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
