and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
