I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
