it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
