i need an iv and a liver transplant
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
