Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you had me at cake vodka
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
