We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
