guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
