I want to have your abortion
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
