I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
