btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize