I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
