I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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