We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Boobs are out for the taking
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
