i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
and you fell through a lawn chair
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
