worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
