Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
