dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
