I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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