OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize