We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
