There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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