help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
