so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
